Here’s the deal, friends. It doesn’t matter how hot your winning streak is, if you keep playing, the house will eventually win it all back.
I wouldn’t say I’ve been on a hot winning streak for the past 57 years, but I have been steadily taking two steps forward to only lose one step back. Multiple sclerosis is more capricious than a slot machine, which is programmed, after all, to pay off certain amounts over predetermined periods.
MS has no such mathematical algorithm. It reacts (or not) to the weather, to your stress, to the position of the moon, to the birth of a guppy three states away, to the way a leaf considers falling.
But the underlying concept is the same: if you keep living, sooner or later it will come out on top.
I hate multiple sclerosis. Have never been able to just accept and deal with it. I’ve fought the cretin since the day it reared its disgusting, malevolent head. I said “No” when the first doctor told me to reconcile myself to a wheelchair 30 years ago. I said “No” when the resident told me I had no choice but to take her prescription. I said “No” when the Kaiser doctor said, “It’s time. You have to take this new drug.”
I did say “Yes” when the neurologist told me I had so much white matter in my brain and running down my spinal column that I should give up trying to exercise. Finally, a doctor who got me!
But I’m no longer taking two steps forward to fall one step back. I’m just falling, back, forward, and sideways. There’s a list of things I can no longer do on my own (although I don’t remember all that’s on it). A wheelchair is in my imminent future. Other unpleasantries are already in or being put into place.
My intractable stubbornness is meeting its miserable match.
But don’t count me out—I’m done yet. My brain is taking all the spoons my body can’t use anymore. So watch this space. I still have lots of good thoughts to share, stuff about thinking, gender versus genitalia, ghostwriting, obscure lyrics, and, of course, the Drumpster’s upcoming dumpstering.
It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.
❤️